Marriage versus Divorce

[zuoom]

That 20-year itch ...

But one-third of those married for 20 years or more would marry someone else if they could: Survey


SINGAPORE - One-third of those married for 20 years or more said that if they could marry someone else, they would, according to a survey.

But the institution of marriage in Singapore is still standing strong, the survey of 1,100 soon-to-wed and married couples discovered.

Conducted by national marriage resource centre Marriage Central, the survey showed that 98 per cent of married respondents were satisfied with their marriage.

Ms Anita Fam, Marriage Central's chairman, was very encouraged by the statistics, especially the ones which indicated that 95 per cent of married couples were looking at marriage as a lifelong commitment.

She believes that the numbers bode very well for the attitudes towards marriage in Singapore.

[COLOR="Blue"]But the survey also found that one in three couples married for 20 years and more said they would have married someone else, if given a second chance.
[/COLOR]
The centre said this was not necessarily bad news.

Said Ms Fam: "I think the significant thing is that those people who were surveyed are still married to those spouses. And that to me underscores what marriage is all about, that you keep working at it.

"You might find someone who's physically more attractive along the way but it doesn't mean that you dump your spouse for that person. That's marriage."

The statistics showed that couples were indeed prepared to work hard at strengthening their marriages, with 82 per cent of the respondents saying they would try to resolve a conflict within the same day when an argument with the spouse arose.

Figures provided by the Department of Statistics support Marriage Central's findings.

Divorce rates in Singapore have been stabilising over the past five years, averaging 7.5 divorces per 1,000 married Singaporeans.

The centre also announced a change to its advisory board to include counsellors, lawyers and researchers.

Said Ms Fam: "The practitioners we have involved are really hands-on in the areas. So that's why we have counsellors, we have lawyers who are in the area of family practice, we have academics because we need them as well. So, we have a full spread."

Plans to further promote stable marriages will be formalised later this year.

http://www.todayonline.com/Hotnews/EDC101027-0000084/That-20-year-itch-

via : http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=2967680

[Vorsprung durch Technik]

no need to wait for 20 years. this stats only shows the older gen. maybe shorter for the younger gen. i know these days, gen x tends to divorce quicker.

[zuoom]

George Yeo
"Is troubled by growing number of divorce cases seen at MPS"
via : http://www.facebook.com/georgeyeo

[zuoom]

http://news.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Diva/Story/A1Story20110207-262165.html

Expatriate divorces on the rise in Singapore

Mon, Feb 07, 2011
my paper
       
 
By Rachel Chan

THE proverbial Sarong Party Girl is very much alive, if the hike in expatriate divorces is any indication of more foreign men leaving their wives for Singaporean and Asian women.

Recently, family lawyers have seen their base of expatriate clients grow from a handful to up to 70 per cent of the total number of cases they handle.

There is no particular social setting that breeds cheating, lawyers say, but the men who tend to travel often for work are most susceptible to it.

The third parties are often air stewardesses, female co-workers or women at nightspots or social events.

Once the wife smells a rat - a flirtatious text message, Facebook pictures, peer reports and receipts for expensive gifts are the usual giveaways - it is quite common for her to hire a private eye, who can tail a suspect all the way overseas.

Lawyers say that it is not uncommon to receive private eyes' reports which detail the men partying every night, having romantic dinners with women and inviting them to their hotel rooms.

Ms Wong Kai Yun, a partner of law firm Chia Wong, said she has handled easily more than 100 cases involving expatriates in the past five years.

Many of them came from high net-worth families, with husbands who were posted here to assume managerial positions or directorships in the multinational companies they worked for, she added.

This trend appears to coincide with Singapore's growing pool of Employment Pass holders: from 99,000 in 2007 to 142,000 last year, according to statistics provided by the Ministry of Manpower.

"In some scenarios, both husband and wife held high positions before the man was assigned overseas. The wife gives up her job, relocates with their children to Singapore where, a few years down the road, he is charmed by an Asian woman and wants a divorce," said Ms Wong.

Read also:

The cost of a divorce in S'pore
Jurisdiction and convenience are the main reasons a couple usually choose to settle their divorce here instead of in their home country, observed Mr Koh Tien Hua, a family lawyer with Harry Elias Partnership.

Lawyers say they have acted for expatriates who come from as far away as Russia and Britain, to nearby Asian nations. They are usually in their mid-30s and older, as one would need to be in a relatively senior position to get an overseas posting, the lawyers said.

Such cases can cost a good five times the usual costs incurred by a Housing Board flat-dwelling Singapore couple - and can rack up between $80,000 and $100,000 in lawyers' fees for extra legwork, said an industry insider.

[zuoom]

Finances are top stumbling block to marriage
by Sophie Hong

THE majority of single Singapore women still hope to get married between the ages of 25 and 30, despite national statistics showing a trend of them putting off marriage.

In a recent straw poll done by my paper of 70 single women aged 35 years old and below, 57 women indicated that they hope to tie the knot eventually.

However, their dreams of attaining marital bliss are obscured by financial woes and finding that elusive Mr Right.

Among the reasons why they remain single, 32 women said that it is because they have yet to find the right partner.

Others who hold white-collar jobs with a monthly income of more than $2,000 stated that they are looking to establish a career first before shifting their focus to their love lives.

"Women are getting more educated, compared to the past. Now, more Singaporean women hold master's or PhD degrees," said Ms Violet Lim, founder of dating agency Lunch Actually.

According to the Census of Population 2010, women make up almost half of university graduates in Singapore.

To top it off, the number of female doctoral-degree students at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) has gradually climbed, from 31 per cent to 35 per cent over the last five years.

NTU has also enrolled more than 4,000 female students in its postgraduate courses in the last academic year.

Meanwhile, 38 per cent of the students who enrolled in a postgraduate programme at Singapore Management University last September are female. Similarly, the National University of Singapore (NUS) saw an 83 per cent increase in its number of female doctoral-degree students, compared to 2005.

The time taken to complete a postgraduate programme can range from one to five years.

Ms Lim said: "When you have spent so much time on your education, you would want to build up a career first before moving on to relationships."

However, there might be factors other than a higher education that have contributed towards women becoming more career-minded as well as an increase in the number of career- minded women.

Said Associate Professor Tan Ern Ser of NUS' Department of Sociology: "Singaporean women also value their independence, which would be compromised if they take on the role of both a wife and a mother."

Women are also delaying marriage due to finances, with 29 women polled saying that their biggest concern is whether they have enough savings. A further 13 women worry about being unable to afford a house.

Among the 70 women polled, 64 earn a monthly income of less than $4,000.

"A house is an investment, and if I'm going to be spending a small fortune on it, I want to make sure that it is in a good location," said 24-year-old operations executive Stephanie Kay.

She added that she may still need financial help from her parents after marriage if she wants "a decent place".

Said Ms Kay: "I would feel comfortable letting my husband be the sole breadwinner only if he earns $20,000 a month."

Ms Lim also commented on what former prime minister Lee Kuan Yew said to a 27-year-old female PhD student during a university dialogue held at NTU on Sept 5.

Mr Lee had advised the unmarried student not to waste time starting a family, as it was "more important and more satisfying than your PhD".

Ms Lim said: "I can tell you, from my experience in the industry, that there is truth to what he said. Time is not on our side."

She added: "It might be a good strategy for men to focus on their careers before their relationships, but that is not the case for women."

Ms Lim stressed that having a career and a love life are not mutually exclusive, and finding a balance between the two is not impossible.

"Be disciplined in setting aside time to go out, relax and socialise," she advised.

Survey of 70 single women aged 35 and below

57 women plan to get married.

Out of these, 44 plan to have kids; 42 plan to tie the knot before they turn 30 years of age; and 26 plan to have children two years after their wedding.

13 women say they do not plan to get married.

They cite reasons such as the cost of living and that Singapore men are boring.

32 women say they are single because they have yet to find the right partner.

Another 20 say they are focusing on their careers while 12 women say they are focusing on their education.

These women are aged between 21 and 30 years old.

Six women cite following reasons why they are single: They are uninterested in dating; they do not have enough time for relationships; and there are not enough eligible men in Singapore.

42 women say they worry about financial matters when it comes to marriage.

Their biggest concerns are whether they have enough savings (29) and whether they have the means to buy a house (13).

35 women say they will consider having children if they are offered better maternity benefits.

These benefits include longer maternity leave, equal chances of promotion when they return to work and a bigger Baby Bonus.

via : http://singsupplies.com/showthread.php?101675-Sinkie-women-say-are-are-top-stumbling-block-to-marriage

not always about the money, but more often than not, it is.

[Vorsprung durch Technik]

i can tell you that not many men can earn 20k a month like holm does.

[ThrillSpeed]

Holm's wife working right??!!

Me dun earn 20k per mth..... That's why my wife is working.... ;P

[Cobra]

(1) Well I dont make 20k a mth, but hope God bless your words.
(2) I am still happily married with 2 teenage children.
(3) My wife is an independent human being, who is matured enough to make her own decision on her career regardless of mine.
(4) Even if one make 2k a mth and his wife decide not to work, you must respect that.

BTW, why am I mentioned in this thread .... ?



 

[zuoom]

and we wonder why.

I can't stop cheating



Nancy dearly loves her husband.
 
She cannot imagine life without the man, a company director five years older than her - but she simply falls for new men who pay attention to her.
 
Each of her love affairs last a short time before she, wrecked with guilt, would end it, praying that her husband would never find out. There were close calls, but she has explained her way out of trouble.
 
Nancy, who works in the media industry, has sworn time and time again that it would be the "last one".
 
She has lost count of the number of lovers she's had. Yes, she's with one now.
 
Svelte, with long flowing hair, Nancy insists she's no seductress. Dressed modestly in her executive clothes, Nancy doesn't search for prey in watering holes.
 
Each of her lovers has been a man she meets on the job. They are successful, confident and often, married.
 
And they go after her first, she says.
 
Sexual equality has hit a perverse note here, according to a recent Durex survey. About one in five men cheat on their partner.
 
The same number of women fall prey to cheating. Says Nancy: "I have intense feelings for my lover...I think I thrive on them thinking that I am great, desirable and sexy... The attention also makes me feel loved."
 
Her husband is a faithful and religious man. His work keeps him busy.
 
For her, it's her lover who keeps her occupied. She's always on her phone, checking e-mails and messages. And she just can't quit.
 
It took some persuading for her to talk. Having a string of lovers is not a source of pride for her.
 
Nancy's story demonstrates another of the condom manufacturer's findings. Men tend to have casual sex on the sly, while women take on lovers.
 
Brian, 40, is just like Nancy. And like her, Brian told this paper he simply cannot stop philandering. We are not using their real names to protect their identities.
 
When he was in his 20s, Brian sought sexual adventures and jaunts behind his girlfriends' backs.
 
He also believed that visiting prostitutes was just a phase that would end once he got married.
 
But now, five years after his wedding in 2006, he continues to seek prostitutes once every two months.
 
For him, it is more physical.
 
Says Brian, an accountant: "The only thing that has changed slightly from my early years is my frequency (of seeing prostitutes).
 
"With a 5-year-old son to look after and my busy work schedule, there are only a few excuses I can make (to my wife) whenever I need to slip out of my home."
 
He knows what he is doing is morally wrong. Getting caught with the fresh scent of shower gel or perfume on his body would be disastrous.
 
So he smokes to mask any scent that could betray his rendezvous.
 
Brian dreads the thought of his wife, a housewife in her 30s, finding out about his two-timing ways.
 
She could ask for a divorce and get sole custody of their only child, says Brian.
 
Yet recognising right from wrong has never been an issue for Brian, who has slept with at least 20 women since his marriage.
 
He adds: "To me, it (sex with a prostitute) is an emotionless transaction and a way to de-stress.
 
"I move from one girl to the next like you would when buying maybe a toothbrush. When you're done, you pay for a new one.
 
"Despite my cheating, I still love my wife. My family comes first."
 
Well, maybe not all the time.
 
During one Chinese New Year eve, Brian felt the urge to have sex, but not with his wife.
 
"I managed to have one 'session' before rushing back for the reunion dinner," Brian reveals.
 
As he was a little late, his family had waited for him before starting dinner.
 
"I just can't stop and ignore what my body is telling me...I need the release."
 
Psychologists and psychiatrists say people like Brian and Nancy continue to cheat for various reasons.
 
Some do it out of sexual frustration with their current partners, finding their own sex life boring.
 
For others, deep unresolved emotional issues, like bonding difficulties, become a factor.
 
Some think that sleeping around is widely accepted by society, says Mr Daniel Koh, a psychologist from Insights Mind Centre.
 
"This can be due to wanting to improve one's self-worth by looking for ladies or men who find them attractive and desirable," he says.
 
"Or it may be a matter of collecting a number of 'trophies' to see how far they can go before getting caught (by their partners).
 
The news that both men and women (20 per cent of them) cheat is hardly surprising, says psychiatrist Tommy Tan.
 
Cheating is an innate quality in humans, he says.
 
Dr Tan, from Novena Psychiatry Clinic, says: "It's nothing unusual. Even birds, who are said to be paired for life, fool around in the animal kingdom.
 
"It's their way of seeking the best genes for their offspring."
 
What is unusual for Dr Tan are the cases involving a different kind of spousal infidelity.
 
In some cases he has seen, cheating spouses - both men and women - did not seek help because of their inability to be faithful.
 
Instead, they came to Dr Tan because they suffer from depression when their boyfriends or mistresses threaten to leave them.
 
Adds Dr Tan: "What's important about the sex survey is the proportion of men and women who are unfaithful.
 
"If the figures show a big rise and if the survey is representative of our population, then there is cause for concern."

Source: Diva - I can't stop cheating

via : http://forums.vr-zone.com/chit-chatting/1872032-i-cant-stop-cheating.html

[Vorsprung durch Technik]

woon, no need to wonder why. it just happen in this modern society that women asked for equality. if men can do it, so can women.